Star Trek: Voyager Lament of Learning
by Stormbreaker0100
Summary: Marian, Naturalist and newest Member, becomes ill from her suppressed powers and seeks out Chakotay to help her. But when they meet the inhabitants of Aveen, she has the opportunity to have her powers dispelled. Confused, she looks to Chakotay again.
1. Chapter 1

Star Trek: Voyager ~ Lament of Learning

I don't own anything! Except Marian. She's a new character.

Marian Zeida, the newest member on board _Voyager_ hesitated outside of Commander Chakotay's quarters.

She was accepted immediately into the family despite being fourteen and the third youngest on the entire ship. Marian helped all over the ship including engineering and the bridge. Initially she wasn't going to get a job at all, but after exhibiting her knowledge in command and ops as well as the helm, she decided Marian was worthy enough to be a replacement for Commander Chakotay should anything happen. What Kathryn realized later was that Marian was also a naturalist: a lifeform that was stronger than the Q; however, her laws prohibited her from direct interference such as pushing them back to the Alfa Quadrant, so Janeway was content enough to let her work instead.

"It's open," Chakotay said. Marian took a deep breath and stepped inside. Chakotay smiled as she entered. "Hey. What can I do for you?"

Marian made this choking sound in the back of her throat.

"You okay," asked Chakotay in concern.

"Help me Chakotay," Marian finally managed to choke out. Chakotay went over to her and held her for a moment like a father would do.

"What can I do?" he asked again. It took another moment for her to steele herself.

"I want to… find a peace of mind," she said uncertainly. Chakotay ushered to a chair, and seated himself opposite her.

"I also have…have a confession," said Marian.

"I'm listening," said Chakotay kindly. Marian slowly rolled up her left sleeve and shoed Chakotay her arm and wrist. Chakotay's mind let out an agonized scream.

"I don't think I'm the proper person for this; much less a teacher," said Chakotay to Tuvok. The Vulcan, impassive and unemotional as ever, responded, "I believe that she approached you because one: in her eyes, you are like the father she never had, and two: because she wants to keep her emotions while at the same time achieving her goal."

"But-"

"Whereas," continued Tuvok as if he hadn't heard Chakotay. "my techniques could potentially render her emotionless, and I would be correct in guessing she doesn't want to give them up."

"You're probably right, but I'm not sure I can help her anyways."

"It is often in my experience that the teacher must first be ready before the pupil is; therefore, why not start with something calming for her. I would help her meditate or a vision quest for starters and then find a replacement while you are preparing yourself for the coming challenges."

"Who?" asked Chakotay.

"I have noticed that Marian is quite emotional just like our Chief Engineer, B'Elana Torres. You may want to ask B'Elana for help. Or maybe some time with the captain could also help, but don't forget Commander that she came to YOU for help and not any of the other members."

"Thanks Tuvok," said Chakotay with a melancholy smile. "If I need any advice I'll know where to go."

"Oh, and Commander."

"Yes Tuvok?"

"Have you informed the Captain about Marian's problem?"

"I was just heading over there now."

"I also must inquire where Marian is now."

"I left her in my quarters and the doctor's outside now in case something happens. I left the view screen on for Kes to view in case something happens."

"A wise precaution," observed Tuvok. Chakotay sighed.

"Thanks."

Chakotay walked swiftly onto the bridge where the senior staff was assembled at their various stations. He nodded politely in greeting to all of them.

"Hello Chakotay. Sleep well?" asked Kathryn Janeway.

"Actually, I was wondering if we could talk in your ready room for a moment when you have time," requested Chakotay. Janeway nodded and said, "In a half an hour. We're just coming up on the planet Aveen to get some supplies and refuel."

"I was wondering if we could talk a little sooner if you don't mind."

Captain Janeway knew her first officer long enough to know that there was something bothering him and knew that he wanted to talk about it as soon as possible.

"Let's do it now then. Tom, you have the bridge," she ordered.

"Aye ma'am."

Kathryn led the way off the bridge, and seated herself behind her desk.

"Oh, sorry Commander. Would you like any tea?" she asked, getting back up again.

"Yes please," said Chakotay who was attempting not to get impatient.

"Now, what seems to be the problem?" asked Kathryn, once again sitting down in her chair.

"It's about Marian. I think she's intentionally hurting herself." The captain's face immediately became concerned.

"And how do you know this?" she asked.

"She came to my quarters last evening and told me everything. She's only fourteen, but she's feeling too much. Marian's powers are becoming stronger, but her mind is growing weary of grasping her. I think it's becoming too much for her mind to handle."

"Where is she now?"

"In my quarters under surveillance. She's asked me to help her."

"Then by all means go ahead," said Janeway. "And keep me apprised. Is there anything I can do?"

"I'll let you know. Tuvok is too, helping." Janeway nodded understandingly and stood. "Well, Commander, Tuvok can take your place for this pick up. Marian's life is your top priority. Keep the doctor informed too."

"Yes Captain."


	2. Chapter 2

I do not Own Voyager no matter how many delusions I have that I did.

"Close your eyes," instructed Chakotay. Marian did so, and took a deep, shaky breath.

"Good," said Chakotay, noticing. "Try to even out your breath though. Clear your mind, and imagine the light." As he said so, Chakotay lit a candle and the light flickered around his quarters. And for the next minute, the only sounds that could be heard was the sounds of breathing. Marian's face was tensed in concentration.

"Relax your face. You're trying to hard. Feel the good in you, all the calming thoughts and experiences and let them surface. Think back, and push those bad experiences out with your exhale. Push your unpleasant feelings and hurt out as well." Chakotay slowly rose and turned on the music manually. His heart leapt as his pupil's face relaxed. Her body began to slouch more comfortably.

"Now," he said, taking her hand in his, and guided it up to neck to feel her pulse. "Feel this, and think about it. What is it? What purpose does it serve?"

"It regulates the blood flow and breathing patterns," Marian responded.

"Think beyond the scientific reasons for it. What does it truly serve as?"

Marian fought to deny the answer, but she knew that Chakotay was giving her his intense stare, and expected an answer.

"It's one of the ties of life…scientifically."

"And spiritually," Chakotay corrected. "This is part of you. This is one of the things that is keeping you alive. What if you didn't have this?"

"I wouldn't exist in this universe, and there wouldn't be any pain or suffering," said Marian easily. Chakotay wasn't buying it.

"Yes and no. You wouldn't be existing in this world, but you wouldn't have met me, or Harry Kim. You wouldn't have your powers or seen a Nebula. You wouldn't exist at all."

"What do you mean?" asked Marian, confusion written on her face.

"Relax for a moment," said Chakotay. "It's life that gives us our humanity and forms us as people. The experiences and the people we are surrounded by is what gives us our friendships, struggles, and happiness. It's natural and human to be in turmoil because of life. Life exists to test us, and to give us the experiences to be ourselves. There are going to be times that we are cut down like a weed, but we also have the joys like marriage, and doing well in school."

"I understand, but it's hard to live out," said Marian. "I want knowledge about life. I want to understand more. I see too much than what's good for me."

"That's what we must also learn, but family and friends help us so much; more than we think."

"But I don't have family."

"Yes you do. We're your family, and we're your friends."

"I…know. Thank you Chakotay."

"Now, clear you mind," instructed Chakotay. "Embrace your emotions and work on reconciling them. Okay?"

"I will."

And so Chakotay left her there with herself, deep in concentration. Captain Janeway was just coming down the hallway as he exited his quarters.

"Hello Commander," she said, smiling. "What brings you out at this time?"

"Oh, I was just helping Marian," he said tiredly. Janeways nodded.

"And how is she?"

"I'm not sure yet," he answered. "I'm just waiting for her."

"Do you think it's wise to allow her in there by herself?" Kathryn asked with concern. Chakotay resisted the urge to shrug indifferently.

"I think so. She seems a little more comfortable than this morning." Kathryn again nodded in confirmation to display her complete confidence in her first officer. Suddenly the com. whistled.

"Kes to Chakotay," came the calm childish voice of the assistant nurse. Both of the officers' heads snapped up in concern.

"Go ahead Kes," said Chakotay, hiding the fear in his voice.

"Commander, Marian is-" She got no further for both Chakotay and Kathryn leapt into his quarters. The scene was one of agony.

"I'm sorry Commander. It was too much," said Marian, her arm burned. "I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry. Please keep helping me." Kathryn knelt and wrapped her arms around Marian and cradled her while Chakotay called the doctor.


End file.
